Wrath the Continuation
by BensonStabler
Summary: Olivia answered the door when Elliot knocked...and it leads them into a life neither one expected...
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay so this story starts where Wrath left off….what would have happened if Olivia had answered the door when Elliot knocked? Well let's find out…..

**Wrath the Continuation**

**Chapter 1**

Olivia sat in her apartment with tears streaking down her face. The events of the last few days still fresh in her mind. _The gun wasn't loaded. He wanted me to shoot him. Suicide by cop. How could he do that? How could he make me shoot him. Why did Elliot put a protective detail on me when I specifically told him I didn't want one. Didn't he trust me? My judgment? How could he do that to me?_

She was startled out of her thoughts by a knock at the door. She really wasn't interested in talking or seeing anyone right now. Now her phone was ringing. Her head felt like it was spinning. She got up and ignored the phone and went to the door. She opened it. There he was with his phone in his hand gesturing to her that he was the reason her phone was ringing.

"Elliot, I'm really not in the mood right now"

"Liv, we need to talk. You need to understand why I ordered the protective detail on you".

"Elliot, I just said I'm not in the mood. Our perp just made me shoot and kill him. I don't really give a fuck anymore why you did what you did. You had no right. I told you I didn't want it. You didn't listen. You never listen Elliot".

"Liv, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have went behind your back. You just don't understand. This guy was gunning for you. There was nothing to stop him from hurting or even killing you. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't lose…I couldn't lose you Olivia".

She moved closer to him and saw the sincerity in his eyes. He did what he did because he cared. She started to cry. She wasn't even sure why. It just seemed like his gesture and the events that led up to the shooting were all getting to her. She moved closer and put her hands around his neck. He pulled her close and hugged her as tight as he could.

"It's okay Liv. Just let it out" he whispered into her ear.

"Why did he make me kill him Elliot" she managed to ask through her tears.

"I don't know, Liv. He was in a bad place. You can't blame yourself".

"Can't I? It's my fault he spent seven years in prison".

"Liv, he had a fair trial. The entire justice system failed him not you" he said as he pulled her closer. He ran his hand up and down her back as if to sooth her. This sent a wave of heat through her that confused the hell out of her. She pulled away looking confused. She started to walk away to get some distance between them. He grabbed her arm and spun her around so she was facing him again.

He leaned in to kiss her. It was soft and gentle. It was everything Elliot Stabler was known for not being, but he was right now. She pulled away and just looked at him, a little confused at what had just happened between them. She bit her bottom lip and then made her moved. She attacked his mouth. It was rough and intense. She moaned into him as he pulled her flush with his body. She could feel his dick hardening. She couldn't help but smile at the affect she seemed to have on him. His hands were running up and down her back and slowly moving toward the front of her jeans. He started to unbutton her pants, as she pushed him towards her bedroom. She made quick work of his shirt popping every button off and throwing his shirt on the floor. She splayed her hands over his muscular body and thought to herself, why have we not done this in the past. She was so turned on right now and he was only kissing her. She couldn't imagine what would happen if were to actually fuck her. When that thought went through her mind she became even wetter. He quickly unbuttoned his pants and freed his erection. She was blown away at how big he actually was and thought to herself, my God he might break me in half, but shit what a way to go. She was becoming unhinged just feeling every part of his body and seeing him completely naked was becoming more than she could handle.

"Elliot….God…..you feel so good….I don't know if we should….

He stopped her and whispered in her ear "Liv, if you want to stop, you need to tell me now cause in about a minute I'm going to fuck you senseless if you don't stop me".

"Fuck" she yelled out. She thought that statement was going to make her cum right there. "No, El…..don't…don't stop….please….I want you".

He made quick work of her pants and shirt and unhooked her bra dropping everything on floor. He just started at her.

"God, your're beautiful Olivia" he said in a husky voice as he leaned in and devoured her lips again.

Their hands were all over each other. Touching every part of the other's body they could get their hand on. He pushed her toward the bed. She could feel his erection at her core and knew she had to have him inside her right now.

"Elliot…..I need…..

"What, Liv….tell me….tell me what you need…..I'll give you anything you need"

"You, I need you….inside me right now….please…..I want you so bad it hurts".

He laid her down on the bed gently and moved on top of her. He brushed her hair back and peppered her forehead, cheeks and the crook of her neck with kisses. He snaked her arms around his neck and pulled him down, as if she was trying to get his tongue further into her mouth". She moaned into his mouth, once in a while crying out his name.

He moved his hand slowly down her body to her hips, to her abdomen and then to her core. He pushed two fingers in gently to see if she was ready.

"Shit Liv, you are so fuckin wet and tight. Are you trying to kill me"?

"Elliot….please…..just… she couldn't even continue, but it didn't matter. He knew what she wanted and needed right now and he was going to give it to her.

He pushed his hard as a rock dick inside her and they both moaned in ecstasy. She had no idea that something could feel so good. So right. So hot and intense. He pushed in and out each time a little harder and a little faster.

"Sooooooo good Olivia….so tight I fuckin love it Olivia"

"I love you inside me Elliot….you feel amazing. I knew it would be but shit Elliot this is insane….move faster baby…please"

He pushed in faster and harder and felt her clenching around him. He knew she was close and he knew he couldn't hold out much longer either. He then pulled all the way out, Olivia let out a moan of disapproval and he slammed back into her sending her right over the edge.

"FUCK Elliot…..sooooo good…..God….you are amazing…

Hearing her cum was his undoing he came so hard he never had an orgasm that intense before. He was trying to catch his breath. He just lay on top of her, both of them having just experienced the best sex of their lives.

He rolled over so he was next to her. He pulled her close and said "WOW! Liv….that was…I can't even explain how amazing that was"

"I know, that was intense….that was the best sex I've ever had Elliot. You are amazing. I don't know if I can live with never doing this again with you".

"I don't know if I can either Liv. My life is complicated right now you know that. Kathy moved out, but we are still married.

"Are you sorry about what just happened Elliot"?

**A/N: Okay, so this was gonna be a one-shot but I decided to take it a bit further…is Elliot sorry? Find out…..**

**Review here or on twitter Qgirl25**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay so this was only gonna be a one-shot then the brain started thinking…so the only AU here is that Wrath was a S3 ep and AK hadn't moved at but here she has… **

**Wrath the Continuation**

**Chapter 2**

The next morning came and Olivia was really nervous. Elliot had never answered her question as to whether or not he regretted what had happened the night before. They both fell asleep and he had court early this morning so left her a note saying he would see her at work. She arrived at the station before he got there. She sat down and started to work. She continuously looked up thinking she heard him come in. About an hour later, he did. She couldn't believe how nervous she was. This was Elliot. Her partner. Her best friend. Why were her palms sweating? Why did she feel the urge to throw up? She knew the answer to her questions. She was scared to death that as amazing as last night was between them, that he regretted it on some level. She prayed he didn't but feared he did.

"Hey" she said looking up at him and thanking him for the cup of coffee he bought her.

"Hey Liv" he replied back.

There was tension in the air between them. Neither of them liked that.

"El, we need to talk….NOW!" she stated grabbing his arm and pulling him upstairs towards the cribs. Luckily the squad room was relatively empty so no one saw Olivia dragging Elliot across the room as if he were her slave.

He walked into the cribs followed by Olivia, who slammed the door shut behind her.

"Liv, you okay?" he asked."

"Yeah…yeah….I'm…well…truth is…actually…..Elliot, you never answered my question last night. Are you sorry about what happened between us?"

"Liv, it's not that simple".

"Fuck you Elliot! It is that simple. Either you are sorry we were together or you aren't. Which is it?"

"Okay, Olivia truth time, of course I'm not sorry about what happened between us. It was amazing. I always knew being with you would be the most intense experience of my life".

"Most intense? Amazing? You're going to give me a big head Elliot Stabler".

He moved closer to her and kissed her. It was soft and gentle. "No, Olivia…to answer your question straight up..I am not sorry we were together last night".

"I feel a but coming on, Elliot"

Elliot ran his hand down his face, "you know its complicated Olivia. Yes, Kathy moved out but we're still married. I don't know what's going to happen with us. I just know that I don't want to lose you".

"Loose me? As what Elliot? Your partner, your friend, your lover?"

"Yes".

"El, what are you saying to me?

"I'm saying….shit Liv…I don't know what I'm saying….I just know that I don't want to live without you in any part of my life. I know that last night cannot be the only time I'm ever with you. I don't understand how something that felt so right and so good is supposedly wrong".

"Fuck Elliot! I hope you are not asking me to be your mistress, cause that's not gonna happen. I deserve better than that, especially from you!"

"Liv, you do deserve better but I can't give you more than that right now. I don't know if Kathy and I are divorcing. I can't lose my kids Liv…you have to understand that".

"Elliot, I understand about the kids. You don't have to be married to Kathy to keep your kids, unless you want to be".

"I want to be with you Olivia. I've always wanted to be with you. I just don't know if it's possible".

"Okay, well when you figure this shit out you call me, until then, please don't call me because Elliot, as much as I want you more than I can say I will not be anyone's other woman, not even yours. Especially yours."

Olivia walked toward the door with every intention of walking out of the room without looking back at him. She told herself just walk away. He moved closer he put his hands on the door to shut it, all the while her back to him. She was trapped. His arms were on either side of her holding the door shut. She wouldn't turn around. He whispered into her ear "I love you Olivia. I always have. Don't leave".

She took in what he said, she had a smile on her face at the thought of Elliot Stabler being in love with her and a tear in her eye for the same reason. She knew he wasn't ready to leave his family for her. She wouldn't ask him. His love for his children was one of the many things she adored about him. However, she couldn't be the other woman either. She was better than that. She deserved more, especially from Elliot. She didn't speak for what seemed like forever. Elliot finally broke the silence.

"Olivia, did you hear me? I said I love you".

Never turning around to face him, she responded "Yes, El I heard you and I love you too but it doesn't matter in the end does it? You are married and that isn't going to change right now, and I have too much respect for myself to be your fuck buddy. So, let's just call last night our one night together and leave it at that".

"Can you do that Olivia? Be honest with me" he asked as he ran his hand up her arm and around her neck pulling her back so she was flush against him.

"El, please….don't" she begged.

"Don't what Liv? Don't do this? He said as he kissed her neck and ear and ran his hands all over her abdomen, finally finding the hem of her shirt. She put her hands on his hands, not sure of exactly why. Did she want to pull his hands off her or pull him closer. She did know what she wanted. She also knew what was right but couldn't help herself. She turned around and kissed him deeply pulling his head as far into her as she possibly could. Their tongues fought for dominance. She was giving in. Part of her knew it was wrong, but the other part of her knew she could not resist this man. Finally, she pulled away trying to catch her breath.

"El, we can't do this" she said panting.

He tightened the space between them again, knowing damn well that physically she couldn't resist him. "Liv, we can't not do this" he whispered huskily into her ear.

"God, Elliot, you are not being fair. Please don't do this" she was practically begging.

"Liv, I would never make you do anything you didn't want to do. If you want me to stop I will".

"I don't want you to stop Elliot, but I can't let you continue. I need to go. I can't do this. I can't let you make me want you anymore than I already do. You do something to me that I can't explain or figure out and when you touch me or just say my name, I am lost in it. Lost in you. I can't let myself be lost in someone who can't give me all of themselves. I can't share you with your wife. I'm better than all of that. If it were anyone but you Elliot, maybe I could and not give a shit but with you it's different. I love you and now I have given you the power to break my heart. I need to take that power back. I'm sorry. Call me when you figure out what you want. Say hi to the family for me, she said sarcastically as she slammed the door leaving Elliot standing there hurt, confused and feeling like an ass for hurting her.

Elliot followed her out the door and watched as she grabbed her jacket and ran to the elevators. He wanted to run after her, but what could he say? She was right. Everything she said was right. He was in no position to give all of him and she deserved the best. At the same time, he couldn't bear the thought of losing her in anyway. He loved her. He wanted her. He wanted her in his life in every way. He made his way down the stairs from the cribs, looked at her empty desk and sighed. He grabbed his coat and headed for the elevators himself. He didn't know where he was going but knew he had to get out of there. He had to think. He had to ask himself the hard questions. Could he leave his family to be with Olivia? He knew he wasn't in love with Kathy anymore. She left him. He knew that Olivia was right, he didn't have to be with Kathy to still have his kids. Was he ready to throw a 20 year marriage away? Was he willing to stay with a woman he didn't love just for the sake of the kids? He didn't have any answers, only questions. The only thing he knew for sure was that he couldn't lose Olivia.

**A/N: Next up: Olivia pours her heart out….**

**Review here or on twitter Qgirl25 **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews…haven't felt much like writing as I watched the first two eps of S13 and with no Elliot it just sucks…but now that I'm not watching I feel better…I have S1-S12 so movin on…a little AU in this chapter…. **

**Wrath the Continuation**

Olivia bolted from the station and was furious. Did he actually ask her to be his mistress? He didn't exactly say that in those words but he didn't deny it either. He said he didn't want to lose her, but he wasn't getting a divorce right now either…what the hell did he want her to do? Meet him on their lunch break and fuck him in the cribs? Shit, she thought that would be amazingly hot. She shook those thoughts from her head, knowing on some level it was wrong. Although Kathy moved out he was technically still married. She didn't want to be the other woman, the home wrecker. She just wanted Elliot and what scared her the most was that she didn't think she could deny him if he did ask her to be his mistress.

She reached into her pocket and took out her phone. She needed help. "Hey, it's Olivia, can you meet me for a drink?" she asked.

"Okay, 20 minutes at McGinty's thanks" she said as she hung up the phone.

She arrived at McGinty's, a cop bar not far from the station. Everyone from the 1-6 goes there once in a while after work to wind down after a bad case. She walked into the Irish bar and looked around, she sighed. She thought about how many times she and Elliot themselves had come in here after a long, hard case. What was she thinking coming here? She didn't need reminders of him right now. She was jerked out of her thoughts when she was tapped on the shoulder.

"Hey Liv, how are ya. Am I late?"

"Hey Casey, no I just got here. Thanks for meeting me. I appreciate it. I think I need you to talk me off the ledge".

"Oh, this sounds serious," Casey replied with her curiosity peaked. "I'll get us some drinks, why don't you grab a table".

Olivia wandered around looking for the perfect place to pour her heart out to her friend. Finally she settled on a table near the window in the back of the bar. She had a view of everyone coming in and out. She actually didn't care. She didn't want to see or speak with anyone right now except Casey.

"Okay, drinks are here" Casey said smiling as she put them on the table. "Geez, Liv what the hell is wrong with you? You look like you like you lost your best friend".

"Make that slept with my best friend and you'll be batting 1.000" she said dryly.

Casey almost knocked the drinks off the table as she struggled to find her way into the booth. Liv couldn't help but chuckle at her fumbling. She didn't know how else to get into the conversation so she decided to just go the direct route, the very direct route.

"Olivia! You and Elliot….you….you two…..Liv….did you?"

"Christ Casey, just say it….yes Elliot and I slept together. It happened last night".

"Wow" was all Casey could manage at this point, although she was filled with a ton of questions. She threw back her drink and waved the waitress over for another one then decided she should make it a double.

"Wow? That's all you can say Casey? Shit I just told you I slept with Elliot…..Elliot Stabler….my fuckin partner. My married, although separated at the moment, partner".

"Liv, I'm sorry. What exactly do you want me to say? Well I do have a question" she stated.

"What?" Liv asked now sounding pissed off.

"How was it…I mean if it's not too personal…..well shit Liv I don't care if it's personal…you called me here and you blurted this out…so I'm gonna ask and yeah I wanna know….how was it?"

Olivia started laughing. Laughing to the point where she almost couldn't catch her breath. Leave it to Casey to want to know how the sex was and not be concerned with any of the ramifications.

"Fuck Casey…..are you serious?" she asked still hysterical.

"Yeah, I'm serious and why are you laughing? Anyone would ask you the same damn question and you know it. So spill the details. That is why I'm here isn't it?"

"Okay, okay, yes I'm sorry. I just didn't think you would actually ask me that question, but to answer it….it was….shit Casey it was amazing…..and I don't just mean the sex I mean the whole experience. The connection we have, sleeping together just made it deeper and more intense. The sex itself was mind blowing I mean this is Elliot we are talking about, but fuck it was more than sex and now I'm screwed Casey, no pun intended".

Casey was now the one chuckling. "What do you mean? Oh my God, he didn't say he regretted it did he? I'll kill him for you"

"No, no he didn't say that. He was amazing actually….he told me he loves me Casey. He told me he didn't want to ever loose me. He told me he wanted to be with me".

"Forgive me Liv, but I'm not seeing the problem here".

"He also told me he doesn't know if he's ready to end his marriage. He and Kathy are separated and she moved out but they are still married. He's worried about losing his kids so he doesn't know what to do. He practically asked me to be his mistress Casey".

"NO!" she quipped.

"Yeah…I basically told him I'm better than that and to go to hell"

"Good, you should have. You are no one's mistress Liv. You do deserve better".

"Thanks Case….only problems is I don't think I can let him go, but I don't think I can be the other woman. So where does that leave me? In love with my partner who I can't be with? How the hell can we work together now? How can we do anything? Casey I want him. I love him and truth be told if he asked me straight up to see him on the side I don't know that I would turn him down. What does that make me Casey?" Olivia asked with tears now streaming down her face.

"Liv, honey….it makes you human. It doesn't make you a bad person" Casey tried to explain.

"Really? Then why do I feel horrible. I mean okay, Kathy has moved out but in the eyes of the law and God they are still married. The eyes of God mean everything to Elliot. I cannot be the reason he goes against everything he believes in, but at the same time when do I get to be happy? He makes me happy. I want to be with him….fuck this all sucks" she said downing her third drink.

Olivia got up and stumbled a bit walking toward the bar for another drink. She sat down on the wooden stool instead of going back to the table. She ordered her drink and sat there nursing it until finally she just threw it back and asked for another one, and then another one. She was about to order another drink when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She forgot she had left Casey sitting at the table. She spun around on the stool to face Casey and apologize for leaving her sitting at the table. She was taken aback when she turned around and it wasn't Casey standing in front of her.

It was Elliot.

"Hey" he said in a low voice. "What are you doing here?"

Olivia did not want Elliot to know that she might be slightly shitfaced so she tried to gather herself as much as she could and figured she needed to get out of there as fast as possible.

"Hey, El….Ummm I just met Casey here for a quick drink. We were just leaving, so I'll see you in the morning" she said as she began to walk away.

He grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him. "Liv, I don't like the way we left things earlier at the station. I hate fighting with you. Can we talk?"

"Elliot, I really think we said everything we needed to back at the station….there's really nothing left to say. Go home Elliot. Go home to your wife and kids".

"Dammit Olivia, I told you they are not there. They moved out. Why do you keep throwing Kathy in my face!" he screamed then realized he was attracting a lot of attention to them.

He pulled her by her arm dragging her across the bar into a little corner where no one could hear them.

"Elliot, what the hell do you think you are doing? You have no right to drag me over here, and I'm not throwing Kathy in your face. Last time I checked she was your wife! So go home. I'm drunk and don't need this shit right now!" She screamed back at him.

Casey saw them in the corner and made her way over to them. "Listen guys, if you don't want every cop in New York knowing your business I would quiet down or take this somewhere else because I could hear you clear across the bar".

"Casey, can you please just leave us alone for a minute?" Elliot asked.

"I can do you guys one better. I'm leaving. Liv, call me tomorrow. Elliot, don't hurt her!" and with that she stormed out of the bar.

"Great! Thanks Elliot piss my friend off and make her leave me here all drunk and shit".

"Olivia, come with me" he said in an almost demanding way.

"Hmmm Ummmm no I don't think so Elliot. I'm gonna grab a cab and go home and sleep this night away".

"I will get you home, Olivia"

"No, thanks Elliot I can find my way"

"You're scared Olivia. Why?"

"Fuck you I'm scared. What am I scared of?"

"Me" he responded with his oh so well known smirk.

"Screw you Elliot. You don't scare me"

"You don't want to be alone with me, and it's not because you're pissed off it's because of the way I make you feel. Just be honest, Liv"

"You bastard!" she screamed as she ran for the door. Elliot quickly followed. He caught up with her walking up the street, somewhat staggering every few steps. He knew she'd had way too much to drink and was in no condition to walk home.

"Olivia, Liv…..wait up" he yelled to her.

She stopped and turned around shooting him an evil look of pissed off. He grabbed her arm and pulled her onto a side street. He pushed her up against the brick building so his body was flush with hers. She just looked at him. She was tired, sad and confused. He leaned in to kiss her, and in the state she was in she was not protesting. She snaked her arms up around his neck playing with his hairline and pulling his head closer to hers. She couldn't get him close enough. He knew she was drunk and they should not be doing this, especially after Olivia made it clear she would not be the other woman, but dammit she turned him on in way no one else ever has. She moaned into his mouth and his ego ate it up. She moved her hands slowly down his chest, wishing his shirt wasn't in the way of her feeling his bare chest in her hands. Her lips were swollen from the kiss and she just looked at him. All he could think was how incredibly beautiful she was and how much he wanted her right there up against the wall in that alley. She moved her hands to his belt buckle and began to undo it. His lips caught hers again and they both began to moan. He knew if he didn't stop now, he wouldn't be able to.

"Liv, wait…we can't….not here…not while you're drunk".

"El, you told me you wanted me and wanted me to admit that I wanted you also….well this is me admitting it to you…" she said as she rid herself of her shirt right there in the alley.

Elliot immediately grabbed her arm and pulled her further into the alley so no one could see her. "Liv, dammit put your shirt back on" he said.

"El, what's the matter? I'm just giving you what you want…unless you were full of shit and you really don't want me".

"Olivia! Does this look like I don't want you" he said pointing at his obvious erection. "I never said I didn't want you, but not here, not like this".

"Then take me home" she cooed.

"Come on, let's go" he said.

They continued to walk to Olivia's apartment. The cool brisk night was doing wonders in clearing her head. She was starting to feel normal again. As they were walking Elliot slipped his hand into Olivia's intertwining their fingers. She was surprised but happy. She looked down at their locked hands and then looked at him. He smiled, as if to say everything was going to be okay.

**A/N: Everything is never okay, cause I'm the queen of angst these days!**

**Review here or on twitter Qgirl25 **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the reviews guys! Ok now…we may be getting a little AU/OOC here…but ….hang with me it's all good in the end…plus it is FICTION after all….and since I'm living in my EO bubble and no longer watching...cut me some slack! Thanks love you all!**

They arrived at Olivia's apartment. Their hands were still locked, fingers intertwined. There were a few moments of awkward silence between them before Olivia asked Elliot if he wanted to come up for drink.

He replied "Sure. I wanted to talk to you about why I was looking for you at the bar tonight anyway".

"Okay" she said a little bit nervous about what he could possibly want to say to her.

They rode the elevator up to Olivia's floor. They didn't speak during the ride up. They made their way to her apartment and Elliot put out his hand asking for the key to let them in. His politeness never ceased to amaze her. He unlocked the door and held it open for her. He closed and locked it behind him.

"You want a drink, El" she asked.

"Sure, whatever you're having is fine" he replied.

Olivia grabbed two beers out of the refrigerator, opened them and gave one to Elliot. She sat next to him on the sofa and looked into his deep blue eyes. "What's up, El? Last time we spoke we fought and then you go looking for me tonight. What did you want to talk about?"

"Liv, I wanted to apologize for the fight we had. I never wanted you to think that I was asking you to be my mistress or the other woman. That was never my intention. I just didn't know what was going to happen with Kathy and I, but I did know that I didn't want to lose you, especially after the other night. I can't go back to just being your partner and friend, Olivia. The other night was too intense, too amazing for things to ever be that simple between us again".

"I still don't know what you are saying to me Elliot".

"I'm saying I'm going to talk to Kathy. I mean she moved out a month ago. She took the kids. She made it pretty clear that we were over I was just the one holding on to something that doesn't even seem to be there anymore. I'm saying I'm going to tell her to go ahead with the divorce and hopefully we can work out some kind of custody agreement because that fight we had made me realize that I'm not letting you go".

She moved closer to him on the couch and bought her hands to his face. She loved to stare into his deep blue eyes. She saw nothing but love coming from them at this moment. She was overwhelmed by the feeling. A few nights ago was one of the most horrific nights of her life. The night she shot Eric Plummer, and that same night turned into the most incredibly amazing night of her life. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. He was going to go through with the divorce so he could make a life with her.

"Elliot, are you sure this is what you really want? It's a big step". _She couldn't believe a part of her was trying to talk him out of it._

He moved closer and pulled her flush against his hard muscular body, which elicited a moan from her. She pulled him closer, as if he could possibly get any closer than he already was. Their tongues fought for dominance, as she moved herself to his lap, never breaking the kiss. He straddled him and could feel his growing erection against her core and it was becoming increasingly painful with her clothes on. She whispered into his ear "El, take me to bed"

That was all he needed to hear he maneuvered himself off the couch with her legs wrapped around him tightly and her running kisses down his neck letting out cries of joy at the same time. They got to her bedroom, and he deposited her on the floor while he turned around to shut the door. He turned around to find her standing there in only her bra and let out a moan that came from deep in his throat. He quickly turned her around slamming her against the wall. He quickly went to work on her pants his eyes never breaking contact with hers, except for the occasional kiss that was so overwhelming to both of them, that they instinctively closed their eyes. Olivia went to work on Elliot's shirt. She slowly went to each button, which drove him crazy. He wanted to just rip it off himself, but let her have her fun. When she finally reached the last button, she moved her hands back down to his rock hard abs and splayed her fingers all over him, moving slowly up his chest savoring every moment of feeling his body in her hands. When she got to the shoulders, she slowly moved the shirt over them and let it fall to the floor. They starred at each other for a moment, taking it all in. The past 12 years, the intensity of the other night and what lied ahead for them.

She moved passed him and laid down on the bed with an inviting look that he could not resist. Within seconds, he was on top of her. He kissed her so gently yet so perfectly she felt as if she had died and gone to heaven. He moved his hands up and down her legs and decided she was still wearing too much clothing. He went right for the button of her pants and made quick work of it. He pulled them down to her ankles and yanked them off. He sat up and Olivia followed, making even quicker work of his pants. She unbuttoned them and felt his ever growing erection which elicited another moan from Elliot. He helped her out by disposing of his own pants. Just like that he was on her again. Feeling every part of her body with his huge hands. She loved those hands. They were like magic she thought.

"God, El….so good…you feel so good".

He took two of his fingers and slid them inside her, she moaned again something incoherent, which drew a smile from Elliot knowing the affect he had on her and her body. "Elliot….shit….don't..stop"

"God Liv, you are so wet. Do I do that to you?".

"Mmmmmm yes El….you do that to me….that and so much more….stop talking and just make me feel good, please".

Never one to be able to deny her anything, he slipped his two fingers out of her wet core and replaced them with his dick. He slid in ever so gently, which made her squirm and beg for more. He was being torturously and deliberately slow and she knew it. It felt amazing, but at the same time she just wanted him deeper and harder. She wasn't sure how long she could take the torture.

"Olivia, baby you are so beautiful. I can't get enough of this, of you….shit you feel fuckin amazing…."

"Elliot, you need to move faster..please….I can't…."

That was all the prompting he needed. Elliot pulled out of her oh so slowly and then slammed back into her earning moans, his name and other incoherent babblings. She continued to slam into her hitting spots she didn't know existed until him. She was on the verge and he knew it.

"Liv, it's okay, let go…I'm here…I got you" and with that she let out a scream she was sure woke the dead. She was overwhelmed that her body could react like that to someone. She knew Elliot was amazing but never knew she had that in her. Her screams did nothing to hold him back and he followed right after. They lay there for a few moments, Elliot still inside her. They just looked at each other.

"Wow!" he said

"Yeah, wow is right" Olivia responded. "That was…."

"Hot?" he asked.

"Hot, sexy and every other word I can think of" Olivia replied.

He rolled off her onto his side still never breaking eye contact with her. "I love you Olivia" he said to "her. "I know, El. I love you too" she responded.

"No, I don't think you really understand Olivia. I am so in love with you right now I can't see straight. The things you make me feel overwhelm and scare the shit out of me".

"I do understand, El. I feel the same way, but as scared and as overwhelmed as I may be, I'm not running, not this time. You are everything to me. I can't run from you. I'd be lost" she said with her eyes welling up with tears.

He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly against his rock hard chest, not ever wanting that moment to end. He knew it had to though. He knew he had to do something unpleasant in order to start his new life. He got up to get dressed and decided to call Kathy to see if she would meet him at the house.

The next morning Olivia awoke after an amazing night's sleep. She was a little sad that Elliot hadn't come back after talking to Kathy but figured it must have been late by the time they got things straightened out so he probably just crashed at his own place. She hopped in the shower, singing and dancing knowing this was the first day of the rest of her life with Elliot. She felt like a school girl but couldn't help it. This had been years in the making. She put on her clothes, make up fixed her hair and off to work she went. She was actually excited to get there. She wanted to see him so badly. She never knew she could miss someone so much.

She arrived at work, and Elliot wasn't there yet. She sighed a bit. Her sigh was then quickly changed to a smile as she heard people greeting him as he got off the elevator. She felt kinda silly, she actually had butterflies in her stomach at the thought of seeing him. He walked over to where their desks were attached and said good morning to her.

"Morning" she said in response.

She looked at him like she was about to burst. She was waiting for him to tell her what happened with Kathy last night. He continued to just go about everyday business, which started to make her a bit nervous.

"El, can….we..I…can you meet me in the cribs? I need to talk to you about the Walker case" she knew that sounded so lame, since when did they need to go to the cribs to discuss a case. She didn't know cribs and shut the door behind himself.

She immediately gave him a huge smile and when right for his mouth. "I missed you last night" she said. "I figured you'd come back after you spoke with Kathy". "I missed you too Liv" he responded as he pulled away.

"Wow. You missed me but you can't get away from me fast enough. What's going on Elliot?"

"Liv, let's just go back to your place after work and we can talk about it. Now isn't the time, and this is not the place"

"Elliot, you are scaring me now. Tell me what the hell is going on"

"Liv, seriously please can we just drop this until later?"

"No Elliot! We cannot drop it until later. You were suppose to go home last night and tell Kathy that you were in love with me and we were going to start the rest of our lives together….today! Now it seems you want nothing to do with me!"

He moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tight. "Olivia, that is the furthest thing from the truth. I don't want to ever be away from you. Please don't ever think that. Please don't ever think I regret us or anything that happened. I couldn't take it if you thought it wasn't real".

"El, why would I think it wasn't real? You sound like it's over instead of just beginning like we planned. I need you to tell me what the hell is going on right now Elliot!" at this point she was screaming. She didn't care if anyone heard her. She felt her stomach churning like something really bad was about to happen.

"Liv…I love you…I need you to know and believe that. Tell me you do".

"Elliot, I do know that. I do believe it but I also know that you are scaring the hell out of me right now".

"Liv, I didn't want to do this here, now but I guess I have no choice now. Liv, Kathy is pregnant".

Her world went dark and silent. She felt as if she were punched in the gut. It felt like a dream. He could not have just said Kathy was pregnant because that would be impossible. Kathy moved out a month ago. They weren't sleeping together anymore. She must have heard him wrong.

"Elliot, you didn't say what I think you said right" she said laughing to coat the pain in her heart.

"Olivia, I did say it. Kathy is pregnant".

She lunged for him and slapped him across the face so hard even she couldn't believe what she had just done. "You son of a bitch! You told me Kathy and the kids moved out a month ago! You said you haven't been sleeping with her. Jesus Elliot! You fuck me and then had a booty call with her also?"

His face still stinging from her right hook he grabbed her arms and said "Liv, calm down. Kathy and the kids did leave a month ago and Jesus no I have not been sleeping with you both! She's 2 ½ months pregnant. She was pregnant when she left, she just didn't know it. Liv, I'm sorry. This wasn't supposed to happen".

"Yeah, no kidding. Okay, this isn't the worst thing in the world. Lots of people share custody of newborns. It doesn't have to be horrible. We can work this out. I will talk to Kathy and let her know that although you and I are together that I'm not trying to take her place in the new baby's life and…he cut her off…and grabbed her arms again "Liv! You aren't hearing me. Kathy is pregnant and moving back in to the house. We need to try to raise this baby together.

**A/N: OH NO SAY IT AIN'T SO! What's Olivia gonna do? Can they really let each other go?**

**REVIEW HERE OR ON TWITTER Qgirl25**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys…now no one jump on me if you think Liv and El might be acting a little OOC…..this story is about wanting one thing and trying to do the right thing and the decisions we make and the things we do to get through the tough times…sometimes we do things we never thought we would do….**

Olivia couldn't believe what Elliot had just said. Kathy was moving back home? They were raising the baby together? How was this happening?

"Oh yeah, of course, El…I understand…I was just kidding about all that sharing custody stuff. That isn't your style. You always do the right thing. Listen, I gotta go so I'll talk to you later okay?"

"Liv, stop it, please."

"Stop what Elliot?"

"Stop acting like we didn't spend last night in bed together making plans to spend our lives together."

"Well, Elliot, what would you like me to say? You certainly aren't going to get congratulations on your new edition to the family and I'm not going to tell you I'm thrilled at the resurrection of your marriage, so I guess there really isn't much to say."

"Liv, my marriage has not been resurrected. Kathy is moving home because she is pregnant."

"El, do you not believe that you two will get close again while bonding over the next nine months?"

"Liv, I'm not looking to bond with her. I'm in love with you, I told you that. This doesn't change that. This doesn't change anything."

"Jesus Elliot! This changes everything! Everything is different now, and nothing will ever be the same. I'm in love with you. I slept with you. You were going to divorce you wife and be with me, and now she is moving back home and having your baby. Everything is different!"

"The way I feel about you hasn't changed" he was now screaming at her.

"Well, it's going to have to change Elliot, because like I said I refuse to be the other woman in this relationship."

"Liv, I can't lose you. I love you."

"Damn you to hell Elliot Stabler! Why are you doing this to me? Are you trying to hurt me? Break my heart?"

"Liv, I don't understand. I would never hurt you purposely. I told you I love you. I don't want anything to change between us."

"You seriously are fuckin delusional Elliot. So basically you are asking me to have an affair with you. Meet me in some sleazy hotel room, fuck me then go buy ice cream for your pregnant wife."

"Olivia, it's not like that and you know it. Jesus, I would never think of you like that."

"Elliot, I can't do this with you, not here, not at work. If you wanna talk stop by my apartment tonight. It won't change anything but at least maybe we can salvage our friendship and partnership out of this. Come by around 8. I need to go to Court" she said as she left the room slamming the door behind her.

Elliot just stood there feeling like he was just punched in the gut. He was losing her. He felt it. How could he expect anything else? Olivia was right, he couldn't be with her and have a pregnant wife at home. How did this become his life he wondered.

_LATER THAT NIGHT AT OLIVIA'S_

The doorbell rang right on time, 8 o'clock. Leave it to Elliot not to be late Olivia thought to herself. Under different circumstances she would have checked herself in the mirror before answering the door, but at this point she didn't think it really mattered anymore. She walked to the door wearing baggy sweats, an NYPD t-shirt and her hair all up in some kind of ponytail.

"Hey", he said as she opened the door.

Despite the fact that she felt as if she looked like who did it an ran, he never thought she was more beautiful than at that very moment. He took in all of her. She felt his eyes burrowing into her. She actually felt a bit uncomfortable, knowing that this was probably the last time he would be in her apartment, knowing that this was goodbye.

"Hey, come on in" she responded. "You want a beer or something?"

"Sure, sounds good thanks"

She walked to the refrigerator and took out two beers. She felt her stomach churn. She needed to get this over with and get him out of there. It was hurting too much.

"Look, Elliot", she began. "This was probably not a good idea. There is really nothing left for us to say to each other. Kathy is pregnant and coming home. Whatever we had for those few days and nights is done. Let's just try to be mature about this since we still need to work together".

"Liv, it's not done. The feelings aren't done. They don't just go away. I'm still in love with you".

"Elliot, please! You really need to stop saying that to me".

"Why Liv? It's true!"

"Because it hurts like hell you idiot! You don't think I am totally dying inside every time you say those words to me knowing that we will never be together again? Fuck Elliot! Damn you! You need to go now. Those few days with you were more amazing that I ever thought possible. We thought we had a shot but it wasn't meant to be so let's just leave it at that please. I physically can't do this anymore. I feel sick".

He walked over to her just as she seemed as though she was going to fall to the ground and caught her. He grabbed her around the waist to keep her from falling, sending them both onto the couch. They were wrapped in each other's arms half on the couch and half on the floor. They started to laugh at their predicament. The laughter didn't last long, as Olivia was knocked back into the reality that these moments would never happened between them again. She tried to get up and untangle herself from Elliot's strong arms, which was no easy feat, even for a badass detective such as herself. She then realized, he wasn't giving her an inch. He wouldn't let go. He held onto her as if his life depending on it.

"El, let me go, please"

He heard the pain and begging in her voice, but resolved that he couldn't do it. "I can't" he whispered.

She let out a sigh and just buried her head in his chest. They sat there for what seemed like forever. Silent. No movement. Neither wanting to move, because that meant the end of the moment. The end of them. Suddenly, the silence was broken, as Elliot could her Olivia letting out very quiet but distinctive cries. He tilted her head up so he could see her. She had tears streaming down her face. His heart was broken. He had broken her. Olivia Benson did not cry, but he made her cry.

"Olivia, I'm so sorry. I never wanted this to happen. I would do anything to keep you from being hurt. You need to know that"

"I know, El" she could barely get the words out she was crying so much at this point.

She pushed herself up off of him and made her way to the door. "You need to go now Elliot. I can't do this with you anymore. I can't be here with you. It hurts too damn much, please".

Elliot got himself up off the couch and made his way over to the door, but instead of walking out like Olivia wanted he shut the door. Her back was still to him. He put his arms on either side of her firmly on the door and whispered into her ear "Liv, please I can't leave, not like this. I need you. I want you. Give me one more night. One more night to show you what you mean to me. One more night to take with me.

All she could think was dammit he didn't play fair. He was so close to her, she could feel his erection on her backside, which was turning her on. She didn't know how to say no to him. She just let her head fall back onto his chest and sighed. He wrapped his arms around her waist, as she wrapped hers around his forearms. She had no idea what she was doing but knew she didn't want him to leave, as much as she knew it was the right thing, she couldn't quite let me go. Not yet.

He took her hand and led her into the bedroom. They looked at each other and no words needed to be spoken. Each knew what they needed from the other. They both needed to feel, just feel and not think about everything that is going on.

They made love all night long. Every place in Olivia's apartment, on everything in her apartment from the kitchen counter to the shower to the bathroom floor. It didn't matter where, they just needed each other.

They finally ended up in Olivia's bed wrapped in each other's arms. Olivia rolled over so her back was facing Elliot, his arms still wrapped around her and her arms wrapped around his. He laid his head on her neck and took in her scent. The smell of her shampoo, the smell of sex surrounding them. The smell of Olivia. The silence was broken.

"Liv, you okay baby?"

"No, El. I'm not okay".

He could hear her starting to cry a bit.

"Liv, talk to me, please" he begged.

"After what we just did and how you made me feel, I don't know how to let you go. I don't know how to let you walk out the door, out of my life. I just don't know how" she sobbed.

"I know, Liv….I don't know how to either" he replied pulling her closer as a tear ran down his cheek.

**A/N: Can they truly let each other go? Can they have an affair and still look in the mirror at the end of the day? Have to read to find out!**

**Review here or on twitter Qgirl25 Thanks guys!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews guys…much appreciated! Love the should they have an affair shouldn't they debate I started…..let's just remember that this is fan fiction and Elliot and Olivia are not real people and this is all for fun and EO enjoyment! Here we go….**

_Five months have passed since the last night Olivia and Elliot were together. They seemed to somehow be able to keep things professional at work, for the most part, although each felt like dying a bit inside every time they saw each other. Olivia found herself at the local bar most nights after work to avoid going home and reliving that last night she spent with Elliot. Cragen noticed something going on between his best detectives, but decided in this case ignorance was bliss and he didn't ask. He did split them up once in a while pairing them with Munch or Fin to give each one a break, although he wasn't sure why. Cragen was being given an award for 35 years on the job. The brass was going all out having a big party for him to give him his award , which would end up being an interesting time for all….._

As Olivia walked out of the cribs and back to her desk, the whole squad room couldn't help but sit up and take notice. It was the night of Cragen's party and she didn't have time to go home and get ready so she got dressed there. She came walking out with a skin tight black dress that complimented every curve of her body. Elliot just stood there with his mouth hanging open. Her legs went on forever and those black stilettos….forget about it! Olivia knew she would turn heads. She wanted that reaction, but she really only wanted it from one man, and she knew she got it. What she didn't expect was what was also sitting at her desk, a very pregnant, five-months along Kathy Stabler. Obviously, she knew Kathy was pregnant, but knowing it and actually seeing her, seeing Elliot's child growing inside her was a bit more than she was prepared for.

"Hi Olivia!" Kathy said as Olivia approached her desk.

"Hey…..Kathy….I wasn't expecting to see you here tonight. Are you coming to the party?" She asked, praying she would say no because she didn't think she could handle watching Elliot fawn over his pregnant wife all night.

"Actually, no Elliot forgot something and asked if I'd drop it off. I'm not really up for partying these days. The doctor says I should take it easy" Kathy replied.

"Oh, that's too bad. Everything is okay with the baby right?" she asked genuinely concerned.

"Oh, yes yes the baby is fine. Kicking up a storm actually. Here, let me show you".

Before Olivia could even react, Kathy's hand was pulling hers onto her swollen belly. Olivia felt the baby kick. Elliot could see the pain on her face and in her eyes and felt sick about it. Olivia was overwhelmed by the feelings she had. She was happy for Elliot, knowing how much his other children mean to him, but at the same time she was so jealous she could barely stand it. "Why" is all she could ask herself. "Why did Kathy get Elliot and his children"?

"Wow…that's amazing Kathy….I …uh…I forgot something upstairs…I'll be right back" Olivia stammered as she made a beeline to get out of there before she completely broke down.

"Kathy, I have a few things to finish up before I leave for the party, so thanks for dropping that off, I'll see you tonight" he said.

"Okay, El. Have a great time, I'll see at home" she said as she kissed him goodbye.

As soon as Elliot noticed Kathy getting on the elevator he immediately made his way to the cribs to check on Olivia. He slowly opened the door and noticed her sitting on one of the cots with her face in her hands.

"Liv?" he said in a low voice.

"Oh God, Elliot please not now. I cannot do this with you. I'm sorry for the way I acted down there, I just didn't expect your very pregnant wife to be hanging out at my desk and then making me feel your baby kicking".

"Liv, shit I'm so sorry. You don't have to apologize" he said as he moved closer to her.

Olivia had stood up trying to get passed Elliot and to the door. It was too hot in that room, and she was so focused on Kathy downstairs that she hadn't even noticed how incredibly sexy Elliot looked in his tux. Shit she thought to herself, this is the last thing I need. She went to walk by him and he grabbed her arm, spinning her around until she became flush against his body. He slid his arms up and down hers, never losing eye contact with her.

"Liv, you look amazing tonight" he whispered.

"Jesus Elliot, please don't….please let me go".

He saw the pain in her eyes and heard it in her voice. He let go of her and let her walk toward the door. All she heard as she opened the door was "I'm so sorry, Liv".

Olivia arrived at the party and immediately went to the open bar and ordered a double scotch, which she threw back in a matter of seconds and asked for another one. She didn't notice that Elliot had come up behind her.

"Hey" he said.

She turned around taking him all in again in that tux "Hey, Elliot".

"You here alone?" he asked.

"Um yeah, my date isn't here yet".

Her date? She had a date? Shit why did he even bother asking. It was like a knife in his heart. The thought of Olivia on a date. Olivia with another man. Another man touching her, loving her. He felt sick. Did he really think she would never date again when his pregnant wife came home? She had a right to be happy, but damn he wanted her to be happy with him.

"Oops, I spoke too soon. There's my date now".

Elliot turned around and just dragged his hand down his face and shook his head in disbelief.

"Hey Olivia, you look amazing tonight" her date said as he placed a kiss on her cheek.

"Elliot! Elliot fuckin Stabler, how long has it been?".

"Not quite long enough" Elliot whispered under his breath.

Elliot, knowing that being anything but civil would cause Olivia unnecessary stress, held out his hand to shake the other man's hand.

"Good to see you too, Brian" Elliot said in the most sincere voice he could muster up.

He couldn't believe it. Brian Cassidy was Liv's date? Shit! This was not happening.

Brian moved closer to Olivia and wrapped his arm around her waist and said "I'm going to say hi and congratulate Cragen. I'll be right back".

"I'll be waiting right here" Olivia said almost seductively which surprised the hell out of Elliot.

"Brian Cassidy, Liv? Really? What are you thinking?" he asked.

"I'm thinking he likes me. He's a nice guy and he doesn't have a pregnant wife" she spat back.

He deserved that. He knew it. He had no right to talk to her like that or judge her for dating Brian or anyone else.

"I'm sorry, Liv. So how long have you been dating him?"

"About three months" she responded.

Three months? She's slept with him he decided. I mean why wouldn't she. She slept with him years ago why wouldn't she now? This was killing him.

"Hey…I'm back…does my beautiful date wanna dance?" Brian asked looking Olivia up and down like he was going to devour her.

"Absolutely!" a quite tipsy Olivia responded. "See ya, Elliot" she said as she took Brian by the hand and led him onto the dance floor.

Elliot stood there as though he had been punched in the gut. He watched Olivia on the dance floor with Brian, his hands wrapped around her waist moving up her back and down to her ass. He watched as Olivia got as close to him as she possibly could without the guy actually being inside her. She was grinding on him like a teenager in heat. He was getting extremely turned on and extremely pissed. She was watching him and he knew it. He was watching her and she knew it. She was looking for a reaction from him. He couldn't react. Was he supposed to go beat the shit out of Brian on the dance floor, on Cragen's big night? He wanted to. He wanted Brian's hands off Olivia right now, but couldn't do anything. He had no right. He needed air. He walked past them on the dance floor making his way to the elevator, which he took up to the roof. He just breathed in the cool City air and sighed.

He didn't know how long he had been up on the roof. He just stood there thinking about his life, his wife, his kids and most of all Olivia. Her. The one thing in this world he wanted that he couldn't have. He was startled out of his thoughts when he heard the door to the roof open and saw Olivia stumble onto the roof, drink in hand.

"Jesus, Olivia you okay?" he asked as he ran over to her grabbing her hand making sure she didn't land face first on the concrete.

"I'm fine Elliot!" she screamed yanking her hand out of his.

"Yeah, you're fine, right" he responded by yanking the drink out of her hand. "How much have you had to drink tonight anyway?"

"Not enough, clearly" she quipped back.

"What's that suppose to mean"? He questioned.

"Eh…it means I can still think straight, El. When I can still think straight, I obviously have not had enough to drink yet. I will remedy that when I go back downstairs. I just need to be alone and get some air. Obviously, the alone thing isn't happening up here.

"I'll leave, if you want me to" he replied as he started walking toward the door.

"No, don't go. I was just being pissy. I'm sorry. Hasn't exactly been a fun night so far".

"Liv, I'm really sorry about what happened with Kathy at the station. I had no idea she would do something like that".

"I know, El. Not your fault. She's excited about the baby. Your baby. I can't blame her for that".

He moved closer to her. He could see the pain in her eyes when she said "your baby". It was killing him slowly. All of it.

"Liv…" she cut him off.

"Don't, El. Please don't say anything. There is nothing you can say that can make this better for me right now. I know you want to, but you just can't okay?"

They stood there overlooking the City, taking in the night air. Both wishing secretly that things could be different between them.

"I better get back before Brian wonders where I am".

"Yeah, don't want to keep him waiting" Elliot replied in a most sarcastic way.

"Fuck you Elliot! He is my date. Actually, he's my boyfriend. You know, I have a boyfriend, you have a wife. What the hell do you want from me? You can't have me so no one else can?"

"Liv…I didn't mean it like…"

She put her hand up to silence him. "Save it Elliot. I don't owe you an explanation regarding anything. We are partners and friends, I guess. Nothing more!" She was now screaming at him.

"I'm sorry, Liv. You're right. You don't owe me an explanation. You don't owe me anything. I just….I just miss you.

"You miss me? Or you miss having sex with me?"

"Screw you Olivia! It was never about sex and you fuckin know it! You are more to me than that. Don't ever say that shit again!" he screamed walking toward the door to leave.

She followed closely behind trying to catch up to him. "What the hell do you want from me then Elliot?"

He turned around quickly and found her standing right there. Their bodies practically touching. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her flush against him. He grazed her lips with his. Her knees went weak. He continued to tease her with his lips, brushing up against her ear, then her collarbone, then back to her lips again until he finally crashed his against hers. She didn't fight him, she didn't pull back, instead she snaked her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. She took off his jacket, undid his tie, unbuttoned his shirt and just sighed. She loved him. Everything about him.

They looked at each other and again their lips were on each other. He slowly unzipped her dress and let it hang on her hips. They broke the kiss again. Olivia bought her hand to her swollen lips. She took a step back. "What the hell are we doing, Elliot?"

"I don't know, Liv. You asked me what I want from you. This is what I want. I want you. You want me, Olivia. You can deny it. We can deny it, but it isn't going away. I tried to let you go. I can't do it".

Olivia zipped her dress back up and looked at him. She knew he was right. He was right about everything. She did want him. It was wrong though, wasn't it? She asked herself how something that feels so amazing and right could actually be wrong. She didn't have an answer.

"El, we can't. It doesn't matter that you want me, or that I want you. You're married. You're having a baby" she whispered softly.

"I know all this Liv. It doesn't make it any easier. You think I don't feel guilty as hell about this? I can't walk away from you. I don't know how, and even if I did, I don't want to".

"What are you saying Elliot? You want to sneak around and see each other? You want to lie to everyone? You want to betray all your beliefs and just throw your morals out the window to be with me?"

"God forgive me" he mumbled. " Yes, Liv. That's what I'm saying".

**A/N: Hmmm well…what will Olivia do? Give in and have a full blown affair with Elliot? Have to wait and see! Review here or on twitter Qgirl25 Thanks guys!**


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: So thanks for the reviews guys and the feedback regarding whether or not Liv and El should have an "affair". This story is really about redemption. Redemption for wanting what you know in your head you should not have but in your heart you want it anyway….and it's fan fiction so let's just go with it!**_

Olivia looked at him stunned. He really just said that he wanted to have an affair with her. She knew she wanted him. She loved him. Was he really asking her to be the "other" woman? The one that sneaks around to see him, while he goes home every night to his pregnant wife and family? What kind of person would that make her or him? The one thing she always loved about Elliot was his morals. Having an affair went against everything he'd ever believed in. At the same time, Olivia thought to herself again when does she get to be happy? Elliot loves her. She loves Elliot why shouldn't she be with him. The heart does want what it wants…

"Liv, did you hear me?" he asked.

"Yeah, El. I heard you. I'm just a little surprised.

"Shit Olivia so am I. This is not me. You know me. You know I'm not a cheater, but somehow this doesn't really feel like cheating. I mean, yes, I am married to Kathy, but we are in no way together. We agreed to live together for the sake of the baby. I'm sleeping on the fuckin couch for God's sake."

"Elliot! Calm down! I know you are. I know this isn't you. Are you trying to convince me or justify this in your own mind?"

"I…Liv…I don't know. The only thing I know for sure anymore is that I'm in love with you. I want you, and you want me so why the hell shouldn't we be together?"

Olivia thought about his words. She searched her head for reasons to say no, but in the end her heart won out. "El, you're right. I do want you. I don't know how to let you go. The last few months without you have been painful or me. I miss you. I want to be with you. If that makes me a horrible person, so be it."

Three months had passed and Olivia and Elliot continued their affair. It was not easy. They tried everything they could to keep their feelings out of work, so as not to let on to anyone what was going on. For the most part, they were able to. Kathy was now eight months pregnant and Elliot seemed to be spending less time with Olivia, as they were preparing for the baby. Olivia understood, at least she tried to. She knew what she signed up for having a relationship with a married man who had a baby on the way. Things did seem to start taking their toll on her though.

Elliot continued to try to juggle a "so-called" home life along with his relationship with Olivia. Trying to make it to all of Kathy's doctor's appointments and trying to make time for Olivia was beginning to take its toll on him also.

When they were together, however, things were calm. They were good. Great, in fact. Olivia just continued to wait for the other shoe to drop. As happy as she was when she was with Elliot, a soon as he would leave, a part of her died a bit inside. She felt alone, empty and guilty. She wasn't sure how to deal with the overwhelming guilt she was starting to feel. When all this started with Elliot, she had decided in her head that she deserved this. She deserved the happiness he bought to her life, and the consequences be dammed, but every time she was with him, she felt a part of her self-respect slipping away. The guilt didn't stem from the "affair" necessarily. He knew Elliot didn't love Kathy anymore. She knew she was the one he loved. The guilt seemed to stem from the feeling of them sneaking around. She hated that they had to keep their feelings a secret. A dirty secret. What she felt for Elliot, there was nothing dirty about it. It was love, pure and simple. The happiest she had ever felt, and yet no one would understand how she could be with a married man who had a baby on the way, not even if he was only with her for the baby.

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Elliot and Olivia were having another romantic night at her place. They had just come out of the shower when Elliot's phone rang. It was late, so they both knew it had to be Kathy.

"Answer it" she sighed.

He looked at the caller ID. It was Maureen not Kathy, which sent a chill of worry through his veins.

"Maureen? Everything okay?" he asked.

Elliot stood there listening to his daughter speak from the other end of the phone. After a few minutes they said their goodbyes and he hung up.

"Jesus, El what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost." Olivia said moving towards him.

"It's…it's Kathy….she had the baby. Went into labor and had the baby." He stammered.

"Why didn't anyone call you?" she questioned.

"I guess they tried. My phone was turned off." Elliot replied as he hurried to put his clothes on.

"Wow. She's a month early. Are she and the baby okay?" Olivia questioned.

"Yeah…yeah…they're fine Maureen said."

"Hey, are you okay?" she questioned him with concern.

"Yeah, I'm just….I missed my son's birth. I was here with you and I missed him being born. What kind of person does that make me?" he asked.

"Elliot, you had no idea she would go into labor a month early." She said trying to make him feel better about the situation.

He glared at her. "Like I would have been in a different place a month from now, Liv? I would have still been here fucking you while my child was being born!" he yelled.

Immediately, he saw her mouth drop. He knew that came out wrong. He didn't mean it like that. He could see the hurt in her eyes and on her face.

"Liv, I…I didn't mean…I'm sorry….that came out wrong" he said trying to back pedal.

Sighing Olivia said "Whatever, Elliot. You said it. You meant it. The sad part of it all is I never held a gun to your head. You wanted to be here."

"I still do, Liv. This doesn't change anything. I love you. You know that" he replied.

"I believe you, Elliot. I do. But this is done. We are done. This is killing you inside, whether you want to admit it or not. It's killing me also. That statement you just made, that sealed it for me. We're over. "

"Liv, no. I can't lose you."

"You just did, Elliot. You made me feel like some cheap whore you were banging during the birth of your child. That's not me. I'm not a whore" she said calmly.

"Liv, I know you're not. I never meant to imply you were. Shit! I just….I missed his birth…I feel guilty."

"You always feel guilty, Elliot. Every time you are here with me, you feel guilty even if you haven't admitted it. I can't deal with it anymore. Take your Catholic guilt and get the hell out. Go see your wife and new son!" she said now yelling.

"Liv…I..."

She held up her hand to stop him from speaking. "I can't do this with you. Not now. Not anymore. It's done. I'm done."

"Liv, I don't have time to argue this with you right now, but this is not done." He said as he was putting his shoes on looking for his keys.

"Elliot! Listen to me! Dammit! You never fuckin listen! It's done! I'm done! Now go…go now!" she screamed, tears streaming down her face.

"I'll call you later" he said as he leaned in to kiss her. She backed away.

"Elliot, fuck! Did you hear me? Get out. Get out right now! Do not call me. Go live a happy life with you wife and kids and leave me alone." She said as she pushed him out the door.

She stood there with her back against the door and slid down to the floor. She buried her head in her hands and began to sob. Elliot was still standing on the other side of the door. He could hear her crying. He went to reach for the doorknob. He wanted to comfort her. Tell her he loved her and wasn't letting her go. But he couldn't. She told him to go. She practically begged him to. She needed space. He placed his hand on the door and whispered "I love you, Liv." And he was gone.

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Elliot arrived at the hospital and was greeted by his four children. He hugged them and then began asking a million questions. First and foremost was what had happened. Why had his wife gone into labor a month early?

Maureen explained that she was home with Kathy when her water broke. It was only a bit over two hours ago. They tried several times to call him but his phone went directly to voice mail. By the time they arrived at the hospital, she was already fully dilated. The birth itself only took about 30 minutes.

Elliot sighed running his hand over his unshaven face. He couldn't believe the overwhelming guilt he felt at not being there for the birth of his baby.

"You can go see the baby and Mom now if you want" Maureen told him.

"Yeah…yeah…thanks honey." He said as he kissed her on the forehead.

He walked into Kathy's hospital room and saw her sitting there talking to their son. Overwhelmed, again, by guilt at not being there and being with Olivia at the time, he was about to walk out and collect himself when Kathy looked up.

"Elliot. Hey, come meet your son." She said softly.

He walked toward them. He took one look at his child and beamed with pride. Things were more than awkward between himself and Kathy for the past eight months and this moment wasn't any different. Trying to break the ice, Kathy held the baby up for Elliot to take him. When he held his son for the first time, an array of emotions flooded over him.

The nurse entered the room to let Elliot know that visiting hours were now over. He would have to come back in the morning. He hated leaving his new son. If he had been here earlier he would have had more time with him, he thought to himself. He leaned down and kissed the little boy on the forehead and whispered "Daddy loves you." As he handed the baby back to Kathy. He leaned down to kiss her on the cheek and said "I'll be back first thing in the morning. Get some rest."

He walked out into the hallways and saw his other children standing there. They all had smiles on their faces.

"Isn't he awesome, Dad?" Lizzie asked.

"Yeah, yeah he is honey." Elliot replied wrapping his arm around his youngest daughter and pulling her close for a hug.

"Did you guys pick a name?" Kathleen asked.

"Your mom wants to name him after me. We decided we'd call him Eli." He replied.

"Eli. I like it" Maureen chimed in.

"Listen, Maureen can you drive the kids home? I'm gonna go hang out in the nursery for a bit if they will let me. I'll be home later." He asked his eldest daughter.

"Yeah, sure Dad no problem. Come on guys!" Maureen said.

They all kissed their father goodbye and walked down the hall. He didn't take his eyes off of them until they rounded the corner and were out of sight. Elliot then made his way to the nursery, where he was told he would have to come back tomorrow during visiting hours. He sighed and made his way to the elevator.

As he was walking through the parking lot, he grabbed his phone out of his pocket to check his messages. He was hoping there would be one from Olivia calling to find out about the baby. Nothing. He dialed her number, but it went straight to voice mail. She was avoiding him. He knew this. He drove around for about an hour. He didn't know why he didn't go straight home. Everything was weighing heavily on his mind. Before he knew it, he had driven straight to Olivia's apartment. He always seemed to find himself there one way or another. He didn't even remember consciously deciding to drive there. It was the pull she had on him. He wanted to see her. He wanted to make things right with her.

He sat in the car in front of her building for at least thirty minutes. He continued to look up at her window. He knew she wasn't asleep because her bedroom light was still on and yet every time he called her it went straight to voice mail. She didn't want to talk to him. He knew this, but he was being selfish. He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to see her.

The guilt then overwhelmed him again. He realized he was sitting in his car outside the apartment of his mistress, having just left the hospital where his wife just gave birth to his fifth child. "Mistress?" he said to himself. That word just seemed inappropriate when thinking about Olivia. It sounded cheap and tawdry, everything that Olivia was not. "What had he done?" he asked himself. "What had he made Olivia? A cheap whore? She was anything but. He loves her. She is everything to him, and yet he can't give all of himself to her and she deserves that. Maybe she was right, he thought. Maybe this whole thing was too good to be true and had run its course. He looked up at the window again, as if he was looking for an answer to all the questions running through his mind.

He noticed her standing in the window looking down at him in the car. He quickly grabbed his phone and dialed her number. Again, it went straight to voice mail. He looked up. She was gone. He saw the light go out.

He had the answer to all his questions.

**A/N: Can they find their way back to each other or are the doomed to be star-crossed lovers? Stay tuned!**

**Review here or on twitter. Qgirl25 Thanks guys!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Soooooo sorry for the non-update I got involved with the other 98345398 stories I'm writing but I'm back on this one…..hope someone is still willing to read!**

Four weeks had passed since Elliot's son was born and he had not been back to work yet. Olivia was somewhat thankful for this fact. The last time she saw him was the night Eli was born and things were less than perfect between them. She was a little surprised that he hadn't tried to call her and yet she was glad at the same time. She felt so screwed up inside. She pushed him away and then felt sad and angry that she hadn't heard from him. What the hell was wrong with her she wondered to herself? She knew she would face him today, however, as he was due back to work. Her stomach was in knots at the thought of seeing him and she also had butterflies at the thought of seeing him. She missed him terribly. She missed them. She assumed she hadn't heard from him because he was so caught up in the new baby and he most likely realized that what happened between them was a huge mistake and didn't know how to tell her.

She suddenly was distracted from her thoughts, as she heard loud voices coming from the squad room. She made her way out there and saw him standing there. Elliot. Looking at him, it felt like no time had passed at all, and at the same time she felt as if it had been forever. She never believed that old saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" but she did now. Just seeing him, Olivia had a feeling of calm and happiness come over her.

Everyone was shaking Elliot's hand and congratulating him on the new baby. Olivia stood in the background, knowing Elliot had not yet seen her. She wondered if she could sneak out somehow and actually avoid him. As happy as she was to see him, she didn't want to face him. She realized it hurt too much to see him. She quickly turned around to leave but was stopped by an all too familiar sound.

"Hey," Elliot said.

Putting on a cheery face, Olivia turned around and said, "Hey! Great to see you back."

"It's good to be back," Elliot responded.

"So..umm..how's the baby?" Olivia asked trying to keep the conversation going.

"He's great! I have pictures. I'll show them to you later…I mean if you want."

"Of course I do," Olivia replied in her most convincing voice.

She didn't want to seem like a bitch and as much as she did want to see pictures of Elliot's child, she really wasn't interested in seeing pictures of Kathy's child. Sadly, they were one in the same and she felt like a bitch for feeling that way.

"Okay good. Lunch later?" Elliot asked.

"Umm..yeah sure I guess," Olivia reluctantly responded.

Elliot turned to go back to his desk to get caught up on everything he had missed for the past four week.

"El wait," Olivia said stopping him in his tracks.

He turned around to face her and saw nothing but sadness in her face. "What's wrong Liv?" He asked concerned.

"El, I can't do this. You come in here after four weeks and act like we're just friends as usual. You are acting like we didn't have an affair or that you didn't tell me you loved me. I don't get this, I don't get you," Olivia said as she left the room heading for the roof.

Olivia made it to the roof, threw open the door and began panting. She felt like she was suffocating downstairs with Elliot. The cool air felt good. She knew this day would be hard facing Elliot, but didn't realize how hard until she actually faced him. Why was he speaking to her like an old friend who he hadn't seen in a few weeks? Was he sorry about everything? She knew she needed to be strong for whatever was about to happen. She knew Elliot well enough to know that within minutes he would be on that roof with her begging her to talk to him. Sure enough not five minutes had passed when the door to the roof flew open.

Olivia watched as Elliot walked over to her. She just stared at him, thinking about everything they had been through, everything they had been to each other, said to each other she turned around because she couldn't even face him anymore. She heard him walk up behind her and she shivered from head to toe as he placed his hands on her shoulders.

"I've missed you," he said leaning in whispering into her ear.

God Olivia thought four weeks had passed and this man could still turn her on by whispering into her ear. She felt like she needed to be strong and push him away, but she knew damn well when it came to Elliot she was extremely weak.

"Elliot don't, please," Olivia pleaded.

"Don't what Liv? Don't tell you I've missed you or don't do this?" he asked as he latched his lips onto her neck and began kissing her feverishly.

"Shit Elliot," Olivia moaned.

Finally gathering enough strength to say no to Elliot, Olivia pulled away and turned around to face Elliot. She couldn't help but smile at him when she looked into those eyes, those eyes that made her heart melt, those eyes that she missed so much.

"I'm sorry for downstairs, Liv. It's just, last time we saw each other things were weird and I saw you that night in your window and I know you saw me and just turned out your light. I figured you hated me or something," Elliot explained.

"Sometimes I wish I could hate you Elliot," Olivia shot back.

"Really?" Elliot asked somewhat surprised.

"Yeah, my life would be a hell of a lot easier if I wasn't in love with you but it would be even better if I hated you, but I can't hate you and you know it."

"I'm not gonna lie, I'm damn glad you don't hate me, Liv," Elliot said closing the gap between them.

Olivia placed her hands on Elliot's chest to stop him from moving any closer to her. The close proximity was driving her insane. She wanted him. That kiss on the neck, the whisper in the ear, just him standing in front of her was turning her on. She felt it to her core and she wanted it to stop but wasn't willing to do the one thing to make it stop, walk away.

"Elliot what do you want from me? Why did you follow me up here? I haven't heard from you in weeks. I figured you and Kathy were bonding over the new baby and everything was back to normal."

Laughing, Elliot said, "Normal? Liv I don't what the hell normal is anymore. Nothing has been normal since that first night we were together and nothing's been the same since then. I can't get you out of my head or my heart. I spent the last four weeks with my new baby and my wife and as awesome as being with Eli was, you were all I thought about."

Olivia knew that Elliot was putting himself out there, exposing his vulnerability by admitting all of this to her. He was saying everything she wanted and needed to hear. He missed her. She's in his heart. She knows he's being honest and yet nothing about any of this feels honest to her. It feels wrong on so many levels and yet she can't let it go. She can't let him go.

"Jesus Elliot why do you always do that?" Olivia asked.

"Do what?" he asked confused.

"Say all the right things. Say the things you know will melt my heart and make it impossible to walk away from you," Olivia replied wrapping her arms around his neck hugging him tightly. "God I missed you, El."

He looked at her and leaned in to kiss her. He looked for permission and without words he found it. It was in her eyes. He kissed her passionately and she returned the kiss just as fiercely. Their tongues fought for dominance. He wanted her so bad right now, he thought about taking her right there on the roof but thought better of it.

He broke the kiss whispering in her ear, "Let me come home with you tonight."

Olivia pushed him away and started to walk away. Elliot grabbed her arm pulling her back.

"Don't run away from me Olivia," Elliot said.

"El, please. I'm not running….I'm just…I don't know what I am anymore," Olivia sighed.

"Just let me come over tonight and we'll talk. We'll figure this out, I promise. Please?" Elliot asked practically begging.

"Elliot you and I both know what will happen if you come over tonight. You and I will end up in bed and it will be great and then you will get up and leave like you always do. I don't know if I can do that," she explained.

"We'll end up in bed huh?" Elliot said smirking.

"Wipe that grin off your face Elliot. You and I both know that's what will happen."

"And that would be bad?" Elliot asked.

"No, that's the problem Elliot, it would be amazing. Nothing about being with you is bad, except everything about us being together is wrong on so many levels."

"Olivia," Elliot said taking her hand in his. "I can't let you go. Just tell me if I show up at your apartment tonight, you won't slam the door in my face."

"I could never slam the door in your face Elliot, that's part of the problem," she said as she walked to the door of the roof to go back downstairs.

Elliot stood on the roof wondering what the hell he was doing to Olivia. He could see the pain in her eyes this was causing her. He knew he was being selfish but he didn't care. He wanted Olivia, he couldn't let her go. He sighed as he walked to the door of the roof and back downstairs to work.

**8 p.m that night**

Olivia was lying on the couch in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt watching TV. She figured Elliot would have been there by now if he was showing up. She assumed he either changed his mind or things got crazy with the baby. A part of her was disappointed, although she made such a stink to Elliot about it being wrong. She then heard a knock at the door. Her stomach was in knots as she got up to answer it.

"Hey," Elliot said as she opened the door.

"Hey. I figured you weren't coming. Did you even go home?" Olivia asked noticing he was still wearing his suit from work.

"Nah, catching up on some paperwork then came straight here," Elliot explained as he walked through the door.

"You want a beer?" Olivia asked as she walked to the kitchen.

"Yeah, sure thanks," Elliot replied as he took off his jacket and sat down on the couch.

Olivia handed him the beer and sat down next to him. They sat there in silence for what was actually five minutes and yet felt like forever.

"Shit!" Olivia finally spoke.

"What?" Elliot asked.

"What the hell are we doing? It's like we don't even know what to say to each other? When have we ever been in a room together and not spoke for five minutes? This is ridiculous." Olivia said.

"So what'd ya wanna do about it?" Elliot asked.

"I know what I want to do. What are you asking me what I want to do or what I think we should do?" Olivia asked.

"Both, I guess." Elliot replied.

"Well, what we should do is end this right now and do the right thing for everyone and you should leave. What I want to do is rip all your clothes off and let you make love to me all night cause I have missed you and your touch so much it hurts," Olivia said as she got off the couch and headed for her room.

Elliot quickly got off the couch and followed behind her. He grabbed her arm swinging her around pushing her against the wall.

He leaned in close and whispered, "Tell me you want me to go and I will."

Olivia grabbed Elliot's face and pulled him in for a kiss. It was rough and hot. She began to loosen his tie as he went for her ass. He had easy access as her shorts were practically riding up at this point. His hands went up the back of her shirt and he when he realized she had no bra on, his dick twitched. Olivia rid Elliot of his tie and began working on the buttons of his shirt as he attached his lips to her neck and began sucking. Although she felt like passing out from pleasure, Olivia still managed to continue with Elliot's buttons.

Olivia touched Elliot's abs, circling her figures around them. She then ran her hands up his bare chest pushing his shirt over his shoulders letting it fall to the floor.

"God, Liv," Elliot grunted.

Elliot moved his hands from Olivia's back to the hem of her shirt. She lifted her arms as he pulled her shirt over her head. He ran his hands through her hair as he kissed her neck, her lips then ran his hands down her neck to her clavicle to her breasts taking in all of her.

Olivia's hands found their way back to Elliot's chest as she ran her hands up and down him again and again. She finally stopped at his zipper giving him a smirk. She unzipped his pants and pulled them down along with his boxers leaving them at his ankles. She kneeled down to help him out of them and on her way back up she grazed her mouth over his already hard as a rock dick. She then took the entire thing in her mouth and went to work. She licked, sucked and stroked until she thought Elliot might pass out.

Elliot tangled his hands in Olivia's hair pushing her head closer to him, filling her mouth completely with himself. He never felt so much pleasure in his life.

"God Olivia! That's feels amazing!" He exclaimed as he pulled her up to him once again.

He grabbed her shorts and yanked them down. She stepped out of them, as she stood there completely naked in front of him. He sighed as he took in the sight of the woman he loved. He kissed her again as he pushed her backwards towards her room. The hurriedness and frenzied emotions they had felt before had subsided and now it was just pure passion they were feeling.

Elliot lowered Olivia onto the bed gently. He stroked her hair as he peppered her with kisses. She was soaking wet and aching for Elliot to be inside her. He wanted to take his time. He needed to prove to her after all this time, he still loved her, he still wanted her and it wasn't just about sex. He needed her know that the love he felt for her was the purest thing he has ever felt.

He lined himself up with her core and slid inside her. She moaned and threw her head back. Olivia grabbed the back of Elliot's head and sat up a bit to kiss him. She watched as he pumped in and out of her. She thought it was the hottest thing she'd ever seen.

Elliot continued to slide in and out of Olivia who spread her legs as far as she humanly could. Elliot loved it. She was so tight and so wet, he felt like he could easily die of pure pleasure at that very moment. Olivia continued to writhe beneath Elliot fisting the sheets and screaming his name. She never knew anyone could be so loving and gentle during sex. Who was she kidding this wasn't sex. This was what making love was all about.

"Elliot, God I'm so close keep going baby," Olivia whimpered.

Elliot began to tangle his hand in Olivia's hair again kissing her passionately again. "God Olivia I'm so in love with you right now."

Elliot's words. Elliot's beautiful words they were Olivia's undoing. She fisted the sheets again, threw her head back and screamed Elliot's name. Her toes curled and her body shook. Elliot followed spilling his seed deep inside Olivia.

Elliot rolled off of Olivia both staring at the ceiling and panting.

"That was…holy shit…Liv that was fucking amazing," Elliot said.

"Mmmmm, yes hot," was all Olivia could manage to whimper.

"Now what?" Elliot asked.

**A/N: Olivia and Elliot get real honest with each other. Olivia confides in a friend.**

**Review here or on twitter! Qgirl25 Thanks guys!**


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